Wednesday 26/05/0001
Dear Diary:
Woo hoo! I escaped! Finally, I don't know how much more of that slave labour I could have taken. So glad that it is all behind me now, and there is no way Tingle will be able to follow me this time.
Looking back I don't really know how I did it. I was just sitting and watching David Jr. feeding the seagulls All-Purpose-Bait... and then he threw some on a soft patch of soil. Then I had a brainwave - I could dig out. I was like "Oh yeah! I'm a genius." And then I noticed that I had already dug a tunnel and was already safely on the nearest island. That was even cooler because i was like: "Oh yeah! I'm such a genius even I don't know it."
I'd come out in a nice house too - although my entrance had kind of messed up the place - I'd ruined the marble floor and the tremors had knocked down a whole shelf of priceless pots. I could tell that they were priceless because lots of rupees came out!
It'd obviously made a lot of noise and the owner of the house ran over to see what was happening. she was like "Oh my gawd!" and I was like "Eeeeh... how you doin'" which scared her and she ran off to get help. A couple of minutes later the other slaves made their way through the tunnel and we bolted. Freedom at last!
this ordeal has given me a newfound appreciation for life. Now, I'm more motivated than ever to enslave everyone before they get a chance to do the same to me! You might be wondering what happened to Tingle. Well, soon after he made his way through the tunnel and came through at the Windfall mansion. However, by that time the owner's daughter had rounded up quite a lynch mob which had descended on the house to nab the culprit. Tingle was mistaken for Ganondorf - afterall they were wearing the same spandex costume - beaten and tossed in jail, where he remained for a very long time.
As for Vaati, I'm afraid this is one of his final entries for now. It leads me to believe that something may have happened to the sociopathic little Minish soon after he wrote it.
The Lucius Vaati Chronicles
25/05/0001
The local merchant frequented this gods-forsaken isle today to peddle his wares. Whilst all those other cretins were distracted by the 'complementary' gizmos that complimented them on their wretched appearances I managed to procure a Hyoi pear.
Now, if I can only use it to control Ganondorf I may be able to overpower Tingle and make our escape. Oh, I shall look forward to another chance to exhibit my magical prowess... perhaps I shall turn him into a hat. No... maybe not. that trick is getting old... I've already turned Ezlo into a hood, Zole into a top hat and Lezo into a cowboy hat. I know... I'll turn Tingle into a... sombrero! Now that is diabolical. EDIT: The postman just delivered me a birthday present then - a cowboy hat! Thank you so much Fluesopp - how did you know!? It is the best gift I've ever received - you'd be amazed how hard it is to find a hat that can fit on my massively over-sized head. Plus, this cowboy hat is also an excellent conversationalist and seems to know a lot about Hylian history to boot. Cool huh!
Oh, and thanks too Rew, EA and Hylian Loach for the birthday well wishes. 
